Perception of the fairer sex

Have you ever wondered how your own perception about something has shaped up the way it is?
Well I do. This post is going to hover about my perception about women in general, has shaped up to what it is now. May be someone from gender and women studies can use this as a excerpt of how a Indian thinks about women.

When I was a kid, about 2nd or 3rd grade, it really doesn't make a difference if its a boy or a girl. All you want to do is have fun and not pee on your shorts in class. Moms are exempted from this influential loop, because they are totally in a different plane. Though they form your initial perceptions.
Certain things told by moms are still fresh in ones thought process. Breaking the mould, thinking independently, especially denying their views is difficult.

I grew up and I was in a Co-ed school, and theres this sudden rush of boys vs girls thing. Class quizzes are more for this 'tacit one sided war' rather than accumulation of knowledge. One sided because I dont think girls were keen on beating us in exams. All they want is to be teachers pet and -for some- top the class. Theres this 'pick your opponent' scheme where the boy leader tells you whom to target and how miserable it is to lose out to that girl. As in the coach tells which player to 'man' in a basketball game and the POA for the term. So the sense of difference creeps in. This is probably well understood by the teachers, I mean, I remember one of the hot punishments during my middle school(5th to 8th grade) was to make you sit next to a girl. But I remember my first crush, I think she was my class monitor in 5th and she was the topper. Crush, infatuation makes no sense, I would say "I liked her" and thats about it. Its uncomplicated unconditional fleeting liking towards someone of the opposite sex. Rumour has it that she has eloped with someone(solace... ahaah).

Hmmm the teens... Girls mature mentally and physically much beofre guys do. So for a small short guy like me, it's dooms day. The big tall guys get into those fancy "couples" of the class list and guys like me wonder about how to make my moushtache grow faster, how to get taller and eventually how to be the girls guy? You become the heroes' friend who makes comedy rather than being the hero(the tall guy being the hero),like the likes of vivek, chinni jayanth, etc. My studies went hay way, but I din't give a damn. I have never been the topper of the class so 12th rank was no worse than 7th and I was happy with it.

Then the "pimple" years come by, where an oily faced guy like me, learns to tackle the pimples.
The pervert in me grew, and I think it was natural, after all every damn guy in this world is a pervert. Exceptions being the ones who hasn't seen a woman. This is that terrible phase of the teen, where one has to take the blows from all directions, the hook from the studies, the jab from dad, and the K.O punch from good looking girls you see in teens' hang outs.

I got acquainted with few girls in my class. I realised then girls can be real good friends. That they are a emotional sinks, patient listeners, very caring and helpful people. The notion that girls rant and rave about their problems ceased to exist, luckily I met the rarest kinds, the stoic ones. They are adorable in every sense. Since then there's this filter that prevents I-cry-for-everything, pink-color-loving, wannabe-sweet girls from being attractive and be repulsive. The respect for women in general has risen constantly through out my life, its still going up. I think its a good thing.

Guide to good kalaai: Part I

The following is for the sake of fun and fun alone. Not meant to spur anger and hatred.

To kalaasufy someone, you can either be gifted enough to weave a 'on the spot' irresistably funny comment, or get the usage and lingo of colleagues who are kalaaichufiers or you can do some homework, plan and use it nicely to make others laugh at someone who you do like but not at that instant.

Pick up and use phrases:

This varies from region to region, area to area, peta to peta, college to college etc. So use your discretion get the usage right and be kalaacifier. For starters try my area lingo and get a feel for it..

These phrases once learnt can haunt you for a month or so.. no matter what you do its going to still linger at the back of your mind. So be careful.

Machchaaaa Freeee daae....

PrimaryUsage : To irritate someone when he/she is dead serious about something like lack of time, 'lots of work' syndrome, simple Gaand state.. this is meant to increase the irritation levels
eg:
victim: machi, kaila kaase illa da.. seekiram kanakku poattu settle pannanum
irritator: Machchaaa Free dae...(macha with a stress in 'ch', better if told in a funny accent like how malloos who usually have rich parents in 'Gelf' who come to chennai for Ottomobile Ingineering, who wants to mingle but doesn't know the lingo but tries full heartedly.. by saying ........).

Secondary Usage: when running outta words in a silly argument.
irritator1: machi nee oru nalaaiku evalo dhadava coffee kudippa..
irritator1+: Machchaa freee daa...
(both laugh)

Andha maadhiri nee...

Primary Usage: when the victim is unawares of the fact that he is talking something good about himself/herself but is actually modest.. and you say this to make him realize the guilt or rather make him feel if theres none... and is best to follow it up by a suitable facial expression.. (note: this is always a good idea.. always remember a good picture is more than 1000 words worth!).

eg:
irritator: (this is called throwing the biscuit) dei OOPS project paththi enna ninaikura
victim: (this is called dog coming for biscuit) romba kashtam illa da.. naan idha UG laye panniruken
irritator: (this is called throw the stone at the dog)andha maadhiri nee....

Here comes an illustration of plan and attack technique.

The concept of 'Nila session':

The intimate talk on delicate issues like "ex girl friend talks", "life philosophy talks" etc...
People often do this on terrace tops on a nice clear sky night with cool breeze on their hair.
The sky's main attraction is a beautiful full moon(preferably or even a small crescent would do) and hence the nomenclature "nila session" or sometimes called "nila talk".(nila = moon in Tamil). Then this session is followed up by a kalaai session totally damaging the confidence of the 'feeler' in divulging secrets to the irritator henceforth.

When I say people, I mean those who usually cry and cherish for movies like K3G, KKHH,KANK and all those rubbish ones which has absolutely no art value, nor a feel good factor but often only potrays colorful bitchy bollywood buxom babes with gayish khans of the bollywood groping them with vigor and passion that even the most sex deprived wouldn't dream of doing or else make the audience cry by silly well founded age old sentiments. (sorry if you are offended, its your fate & sorry if I had digressed.. if you agree with me click this for more fun) and also the people who really are 'by birth' sentimental ones.

The irritator should be a good actor, so as to not to laugh or smirk when the 'feeler' talks his talk. Also the irritator should do 'throw the biscuit' act to invite the 'feeler' into more feelings mood. Also a good memory as to remember what exact words were used or what facial expression were used. A sense of creatvity to improvise while narrating.

Now when shall the 'wannabe' kalaai artist use this. Wait for the right occasion ideally a 'sarakku session' meaning a drinking night where people are really psyched up. Make sure the count is reasonable. Also look for catalysts(people who are often inept and doing kalaai but would laugh and aggravate the situation) and put your points and facial expressions to him.
Make sure the 'feeler' is there at the time of disclosure. Also avoid unwanted eye contact with the 'feeler' while narrating. Better if the 'feeler' is sportive. Use your creativity and you shall be a proud kalaichufier yourself.

More on these lines.. watch out this space in future.

(P.S.
Feel free to use your own accent, dialect and intonations in a way that best suits you.
The author is no way responsible for unhappy consequences.
The author is not against bollywood movies, does respect some good movies(which are notably less in count)
The author has used or modified the techniques of other co kalaai artists, which is a credit to that artist.
The author is a nice guy, who seldom does these nor does he have the intention of doing it in the future.. but has observed and might have done something like this in the past.
The author gracefully thanks the 'claremont tamilargaL' in chicago for their invaluable 'experiential based' teaching of such tecchniques.
The reader is most welcome to think whatever he/she wants about the author and I'm ready to accept any extreme comment. But please do comment.)

Confessions of a 21 year old psycho

The fact that I call myself a Psycho is not because of lack of self esteem nor its a matter of pride but its a plain simple 'fact'. Someone said (Robin williams) "everyone is instilled with a spark of madness and its not worth losing it". Not that I read this quote and I chose to be one, I loved being 'childish', whatever that means. 'Lose control' was the raaga on which my life has been based upon so far and I like it that way.. serious no kidding.

Ok let me speak my mind on trivial, common sense based, philosophies, that convinces and even encourages me to be the way I'm. Here goes.. Life is for once, so its better to live it the way you want to. Since its only once (c'mon be practical, do u know ur previous life's configuration so to speak??), every move you make, every decision you take gains importance. After a point in time you are not 'there' cos you are meant to be there, rather you are there because you chose to be there. You are standing on a heap of decisions you had made and you continue to change the track of your life. Also keep in mind that everyone eventually wants to be happy. So trying to be careful and be seriously conscious or be conciously serious about the decisions you take makes you a serious person and hence you lose the essence of life.. being happy...
so I can conclude this.. Life happens, ticks by every second, even as I type these words, and is uncertain and is unfair for the most part, so I would prefer to help myself by staying 'light' and be impulsive and take decisions, cherish lighter moments, value people more than money, understand that education is a means and not a mandatory aspect, its worth while only if its fun doing it. At times I might have to bite the bullet and be unhappy and whine about what I am doing, yeah shit happens.. but make sure I do that 'whineable' activity cos its gonna get me to a heap which is ripe with oppurtunities to full fill my desire, the need to stay happy.

So much for my attitude... so much for my passions.... sometimes thinking is a drawback, and if you are a natural intuitive thinker like me(laugh all u want but its a fact), you are most of the times not convinced about the things you conclude that too after lotta thinking!! so "live for the moment and dont let the moment pass by" is absolutely convincing...

Also I would wanna mock all the those guys who think being childish is being not so "sophisticated" have a wrap around you and you cheat yourself for your own well earned misery... self imposed, society imposed way of existing, its just 'existance' and not living.... even a dumb algae vegetates and hence exists....

P.S: If you are planning to hire me and you decide not to cos I'm a psycho.. then I actually would wanna tell that I'm not a psycho, serious no kiddin... LOL

Meet the Batch mate

The thought of missing India is a system level daemon that seizes to kill itself. I and many others who have come to this country (US) for the sake of 'studying', to establish a career and the many other myriad reasons, miss our homeland badly. Let me not whine about it. But rather I would wanna talk about the "characters" that we miss being here.

I/We call them 'batch mate'. This is a male(most 99.99% of the times) whom every south Indian would see in a typical south Indian marriage.He would be carrying a money pouch which carries heavy cash usually, and all he does is the managerial tasks like saying "Oru batch saapida polaamey?". From this we derive the characters name 'batch mate'. He usually holds the bag by his arm pit or make sure it doesn't slip out of his hand by a complex knot thru the small handle like on the corner of the pouch.

I 'm most certain that everyone who's been in and around tamilnadu (can be generalised to south India) can relate to this character. He usually falls into the age group of our appa's, mama's and chithappa's and periyappa's or in short we refer to them "uncle" in english. They are known for their sharp acumen.

Here are the few characteristics of the batch mate:

1) Usually wears ethnic south Indian dress leave alone during marriages.
2) Has a stuffed shirt pocket which has usually useless chits dating over a month and INR bills usually in higher denominations and usually amounts to a value that can be 'useful' in any kinda emergency.
3) He's known for his 'attention craving' mannerisms. You can usually find him in 50% of the group pictures in recpetion album or even the marriage album.
4) Night time behaviour of batch mates : This subcategory focusses on his night time behaviour.
a) Last one to sleep.
b) Checks to see if every light in the house/chathram/hall is off.
c) If in house makes sure all the entry points like doors, windows, at times even balcony doors are properly closed and make sure the lock is secure by pulling the lock more than once.
d) Take a pitcher/sombhu full of water and keeps it beside himself.
e) Can't sleep without a torch, usually the ones Goorkha uses, the long silver colour metal one, no matter how many new flash torch lights come, which they get to see in "exhibitions", which are far more efficient than the one they use.
f) Usually wakes up to pin drop noises. The light from the house opposite to his' and the sound from the house that is 7 buildings away is bright , loud and clear most of the times.
5) Knows all the train timings. you can see them using the phrases like " tvm mail 4 35 ku thaambarathukku varuvaan". Note the male gender they associate with trains. For no reason they use it.
6) During the farewell's at the train station, while most of the characters shed tears due to happyness , sadness, 'cry for the sake'ness, he never gets emotional. They usually ponder about things like " raja, water bottle vachurikaya.. onnum pretchana illa idho naan vaangittu varen".
You don't get to see more practical people than these.
7) Usually works (90% of the times) in banks or LIC or some other government job like BSNL, ED etc.
8) Usually have a experience in tens of years like say "naapadhu (40) varsham service".
9) They would have had many promotions and usually would have reached a saturated state.
10) They are up-to-date on 'current happenings'.
11) They drink Coffee like 20 times a day.
12) Their wife character i.e Ms. batchmate is a silent innocent female with extreme/surreal helping tendencies, like cooking for far relatives' train journey, waking up as early as 4 am to vegavechufy/cook 40 odd idlies.
13) Wife knows every possible mannerism of his and behaves accordingly, if not the wife would be berated then and there.
14) The kids of his are quite sharp like himself.
15) They usually embarasses the youth ranging from LKG kid to a final year BE student by publically asking/requesting embarassing questions/actions like "vijay, nee nalla dance aduvayamey.. enga aadu?" or like the famous "vijay inga va.. indha batch oda saapuda po". Usually this 'vijay' would have been waiting for his age group cousins to accompany him with food and he spoils it just about perfectly.
16) He considers 6 am as a late wake time.
17) Talks about kris srikanth, gundappa vishwanath, gavaskar every time they talk about cricket.
18) They are the ones who are most feared by shop keepers.. they will ask for extra cover for the purchase, haggle immensely.. they have award winning negotiating skills (even the saettu/marvaadi's get fooled) and they learn from their past experiences.

You start to think about these peculiar characters you had seen growing up as a kid in south India, all of a sudden their absence makes you want to be as responsible as a 'Batch'.

A turning point - Part 2

Hope You had read what I had to say in my first part "A Turning point". If you haven't, just scroll down and read that ( if you wish to).

Yeah I almost died and never did I mention how it was a 'turning point'. There are certain things that wish happens to you, though you know you can bring up the change by yourself, you wish it happens to you on its own. May be that way its more permanent.

Lets see here, what has it turned?? It did change the attitude for sure. Life seems all the more merrier, I fear God even more now, everything seems possible or rather miracles seem not remotely but more of a probablistically possible outcome. One thing is for sure, the uncertainity of 'Life' was very evident from then on. Procrastination of good and happy things ran out of my life. Never ever would I leave a thing for tomorrow, esp if its related to 'fun'. 'Take it easy' attitude creeps in at the same time the 'beacon of hope' is always visible. Most important of all, I respect myself more, love my life say 10 times more than what I used to. It doesn't mean I was contemplating suicide earlier, but I can feel the inherent happy 'Vijay' in me more than ever before.


So people, please try to kill yourself accidentally and try to hope for a miracle and when it does happen, dont forget to see the change in you & more importantly don't forget to blog about it and I will drop in and comment on it.

Science of Cricket

Every sport revolves around few basic aspects like skill, stamina, fitness, mental toughness, strategy and tactics.

Cricket is no exception. On further reading about the game one can understand the game better, play the game better. Not that passionate cricket fanatics (like me)lack the understanding; they would understand and appreciate the theories better.

By theories, I mean the science behind the techniques.Why does the ball swing? How your batting grip affects your timing? why strengthening the tendons can help you achieve better results in fast bowling? Things become clearer.

I was more keen on fast bowling. I found out that, it is probably the toughest aspect of the game and requires meticulous training to even sustain bowling leave alone mastering it.

To sum up fast bowling : a smooth run-up, a consistent action, the skill required to make the ball do various things, the stamina to run up and down 6 or more times in a 5 minute span, the flexibility to stay free from injuries, the aggression required to claim a wicket, ability to apply oneself according to the situation, which in turn requires some cricket acumen to read the situation at hand, strength and power required to hit the deck and keep the ball at a good speed, ability to predict the batsman's next move, change field positions when needed... the list is actually a big one.

I loved reading some of the articles and seeing a few videos by experts on fast bowling. The science behind it is overwhelming at times. To show you an example: The reason why shoaib akthar can notch up to 160 K. What is it he does ? His left arm plays a big part in his pace, might be a huge surprise for cricket followers.

Just to explain his action :His pace is due to 2 things;
momentum which he generates with his run up(70%) + the final action(30%).
The run up factor is the same for his contemporaries like shane bond and brett lee. They almost score 70 on 70.The action is the key here. Apart from the shoulder strength, which helps you launch the ball at a fiery pace, there are these subtle dynamics that help you get that extra bit of pace. At the time of delivery, i.e when he lands his left foot, if you may notice his left hand is as high as his shoulder level and his right hand is exactly parallel to the ground and behind his back. Making the leverage to a max of 90 degrees, given the fact that he delivers at the top of his action. If the left hand been a little lower then his right hand would be a little higher and his leverage would be less.


These details might be boring to many, but this shows how much of science is involved in the game and how understanding them can improve your performance.

My Love for the game has increased many folds. I just love the fact I play cricket even after coming to US, keeps me fresh and fit. To all those dumb computer addicted guys who have no or negligible physical activities, get out and play some sport. Sweat a bit, play hard and stay cool.

(P.S I'm not sponsored by RBK)

A Turning Point

I think, at times, as to what can bring in a change in oneself. I thought for sometime and eventually concluded that its an event with some magnanimity, that touches, modifies and reverberates in you till death. The impact that would last a life time.
I was hoping that it would happen to me someday.

It happened on may 28th, 2006, when I was shown the doorway to hell for a solid 20 odd minutes.
To be brief, I fell into the ganges while rafting, the whole raft toppled and whilst some got in, i wasn't the lucky one, i had to struggle for 20 odd mins without a raft, downstream and with a lifejacket, absolutely no swimming and the ironnic 'hope' that I wouldn't die. After a gruelling 20 mins i found myself on the raft again with my childhood friend easwar in it, smiling at me, to tacitly mean "yes, you are lucky to be alive".


The things that you think of, when you are damn sure you are going to die, is very wierd. My immidiete thoughts weren't hovering over my family or my friends. Nor did i think of uttering 'vande mataram' with the truest patriotism. I was thinking of as to how to stay afloat in the moving water, how to avoid the rocks if i were to hit one and how to motivate myself to keep me fighting if I get hit by a rock underneath the vehement rapid. Once you think of all those things, you just reassess your state, just to lie to yourself that you still stand a chance.. your subconscious and conscience becomes a single entity at such a crisis.. and i eventually "understood" that those were my last moments..


There were some funny thoughts as well..
the one i remember clearly is this "Fuck, I haven't had sex, Damn I'm going to die a virgin".

Once these thoughts flashed past my overburdened mind, the panic level which was always increasing with time, seemed to hit a new high. The reason being me seeing a rapid straight up.. it was a small one though.. give me a break.. for an amateur adventurer who swims like a 58 kilo rock, needs the slightest of the issues to get panicked... as the panic permeates through my body, i was in the rapid, drinking the holiest water a Hindu can drink(H20 from Ganges) at a rate, which would make any camel proud.

Then came the second small rapid, not that I was feeling comfortable after the first one. The same old "water water everywhere and I need to drink the all of it" poem kept ringing in my head. I felt nausea for the first time. I told myself "Oh My god, now you wanna puke.. no way!! you dont have it in you to push out all that you ate"
and as I had lot of things to worry about like for instance 'my life', I was able to distract myself from vommiting.

Now there were few other things that were happening like one of the guys who was struggling like me without the raft, who also, sort of, followed the same course along the river, now changed his course due to his swimming capabilities and was heading to a raft that was almost still. One other similar dude, was already on another raft. "I'm the only one" isn't always a very happy thought. While I was watching these happen, the whole scene was viewed by hundreds of people, who were
walking past the "Ramjhula" or the "Laxmanjhula"(these are the long narrow suspension bridges that stretched across the ganges. Now I was on my way to making the headline on a local daily. I would have been the talk of the town, in a manner I would rather be not talked about.

The water was slowing down, not a rapid until the visible bend. These good signs was accompanied by a bad event. I was going down. I tried tightening my life guard. I shouted "I'm going down.. Help" and before i realised what was happening, my head was totally submerged in the still water. My hands were above the water level though. I was waving it, and FYI dumb charades doesn't help you in anyway in such a situation.

I was heading to a raft which was carrying 2 of my friends. I was hearing "do not panic... " and a gesture which was supposed to mean 'lift yourself up', initially made me feel "hang yourself.. kill yourself". All this done with a babylike smile on his face. Just giving me the last dose of temper. And my childhood friend was wearing a scott cooling glass, and wearing no emotion on his face, like he always does. All this was just before I sank.

When I was viewing the murky ganges from inside it, I was upright and I hoped i would soon reach some land from below and would kick myslef out to the surface. I was shaking my leg in a useless pattern, it made no difference. I was still, very gradually going down. Then the body came up with a great idea. Put its all the stored energy into use and save me. It pushed out the lunch i had devoured, a quarter ago, into the ganges, along with the ganges I had taken in. I was, to my relief, moving against gravity and hit the surface. Air that i had been breathing all my life, seemed like the elusive nobel prize that a physicist hopes to get. Soon after this, I was even more rigourous in making SOS calls out to the rafts. Like they say, a person goes down and comes back up 3 times, before he forever goes down. I had 2 more lifelines, but absolutely no energy to fight back in any manner. Then i found myself moving toward a rock, hit it with my feet, hugged it and climbed on to it. I held the rope thrown from the raft, pulled it closer to me, until it hit the rock i was sitting on and somehow climbed into it. Then, told myself, "lucky to be alive".